Jeepers Creepers, Where'd You Get Those Peepers?

For a profile to be successful, the most important thing are the pictures. If you have no pictures, you will get no interest. Doesn't matter how awesome an introduction paragraph you can write. No pictures, no meeting new people.

I could end this post here but I should provide a few pointers (which are also my pet peeves) about the photos that people post to their profile. These are all big no-no's. 

1.  Pictures taken with cell phones (not enough focus, if you don't have a digital camera I bet the first person you call on that cell phone of yours will have a camera)

2.  Self portraits (one corner of the pic is always taken up by an arm and you get really weird angles)

3.  Pictures that don't include the user (your dog may be great but I am not interested in dating your dog, your truck, or your sister)

4.  Pictures that minimize the user (the scenery is great but what do you look like?)

5.  The picture that combines them all: Self portraits in the mirror, enough said. 

What you do want are pictures that show off your best features and make you look happy and confident.  You are trying to put your best foot forward and when you are competing against thousands of other online daters you need all the help you can get.  Don't be afraid of asking friends for feedback on your profile.  If you are really worried about your pictures just post a picture of yourself with uglier friends.  Just don't let those friends know the real reason you want to take a picture with them. 

Oh Yes It's Ladies Night

A friend of mine, chadillac23, pointed out that dating websites are designed to attract women. I had never thought about this before but his argument makes sense.  Here is what he said: 

"Seems like a site's popularity is driven by how many women they can attract. It's kind of like how clubs will have ladies night: if you let the ladies in for free, more of them will show up, and now that you have a plethora of ladies you will have more men (who are the ones who spend the most money). Instead of ladies night, these sites offer something different. The layout is more appealing to women (or so i've been told). Some sites have "cyber gifts" you can send, and they're all gifts for women (flowers, candy, teddy bears, etc...). I think the main thing that attracts ladies to a site (and hence, attract more men), are the tests and personality profiles. The more women these sites attract, the more men end up there too."

So ladies, if you show up online then the men will follow.  Isn't that just their way?  All jokes aside, men and women may both complain about the quality of people online but you gotta go somewhere to meet new people and online dating isn't going anywhere but is only getting stronger! 

We Only Get What We Give

We only get what we give.  Isn't that true for most things in life?  Anything really worth having requires work and online dating is no different.  If you want to meet someone new then you have to make the first move.  I planned on saving this topic for later in the series but after careful consideration I decided this was too important to wait.  You need to know what is expected of you before putting in considerable time and effort on setting up a profile of interesting commentary and good-looking pictures. 

Nobody is so beautiful that they can sit back and just wait for the "flirts" (online dating function) to come in.  Except maybe a male doctor.  I am pretty sure they get bombarded.  Sitting back and waiting will not make this online tool work and will cause you frustration and can be hard on your self-esteem.  On the other side of the coin you need to develop a tough skin for rejections.  All of us get rejected so don't feel bad, it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. 

In addition, nobody will know you are interested until you tell them.  You need to be the one who writes a message and starts a conversation.  Sometimes you will get a response, sometimes you won't.  No big deal.  Send out another message to somebody new and see what happens.  It won't be easy but anybody who has made a new friend online will tell you it is worth it.

Hi! My name is..(what?), my name is..(who?)

The hook.  How do you get someone to click on your profile?  First they see a picture and then next to that is your profile name and the first few lines of a your profile bio.  Then they click on the person they want to view to read the rest of their bio.  Besides the picture (obviously), a hook is a great way to draw in the crowds. 

Here is my favorite opening line of the week:  "Nice guy seeking nice girl. Like they say on autotrader.com... too many extras to list, please call for more information!"  It's simple, creative and not to long; interesting enough that I want to learn more about that person. 

Here is my opening line from my current profile:  "Everybody thinks they are a good catch and to somebody everybody is; however, here is what makes me a GREAT catch:".  Huh? Huh? Don't you want to know more about me now? 

Normally "My name is ..." is a great way to start a conversation but online it is the most boring introduction ever not to mention it isn't safe!  Don't include any personal information in your profile (I will spend more time on safety in a future post).  The other common mistake is to just barge right in with phrases like "I love to fish".  That sure gets me going, not.  Hobbies are great to include in your profile but they aren't necessarily going to encourage visits to your site.  A successful online dating profile is measured just like a business website, the more visits you get to your site the more likely you are to get a sale or, uh, I mean date. 

Girls Just Want to Have Fun...

One of my biggest pet peeves on dating profiles is when people write "I like to have fun" or "I love to laugh".  Helloooo??? Who doesn't?  Aren't those just basic human wants and feelings?  I know I love to do both and so that should just be a given for any person, man or woman.  There are much better ways to describe yourself than in such generic terms. 

First, answer these questions:  How do I like to have fun? and What makes me laugh? 

For example, I personally like British sketch comedy shows.  If I found a guy who liked them as much as me we might never leave the couch.  I also think that playing board and card games and going to improv shows are tons of fun.  Share activities and likes that could be shared someday as a future couple.  Be careful  because as a female seeking male I probably don't want to describe my idea of fun as a mani/pedi if I want a manly man.  There is a safe assumption here that some activities I have as a female, a guy wouldn't like and they don't have to be shared between us.  

Second, try to have at least one witty comment in your profile.  It doesn't have to be some off the wall knock-knock joke and you aren't trying to pretend to be something you're not but showing a little humor and wit will make you look more approachable and even smarter when done right.  Don't use humor that is crass or disrespectful.  Be careful when poking fun at yourself because you don't want to show a lack of confidence  or a "woe is me" attitude. 

Humor is definitely more important to some people than others.  Once I dated a guy who did not laugh at the same movies I do and I almost dumped him then and there.  (I kept him around a while longer but I should have known better because of his lack of refined comedic palette).  Complementing humor types can be an important part of a partnership so don't overlook it when reading a profile but remember that a profile can't share what is a person's true fun factor. 

Here I go, Again on my own....

Going down the only road I've ever known....  Actually, I have never experienced this road before.  The last time I dated was in the good ol'days before the Internet.  Online dating is supposedly the way to go now days.  I like the idea of the online dating website.  It is very appealing that I can meet thousands of men without having to do my hair or put on a pair of heels. Well, eventually I'll have to but by that time I will have hopefully weeded out those that the effort would be wasted on. 


Looking through other's dating profiles I have realized that online dating is nothing more than selling yourself through a title, brief description and a few photographs.  Can I sell myself without really selling myself?  How do I put myself out there without coming across as a ditz, dork, deranged, or anything in between?  That is what I aim to conquer with this blog as I voyage into the dating world, again.